A Poem For My Love
I WROTE THIS POEM TO MY SON AND READ IT on THE DAY OF HIS SERVICE:
Dear son,
My baby boy
You brought me so much joy
When I learned you were growing inside me
I was unsure about you; I drowned in doubt and fear
“How could I be a mom of two young babies?” as my eyes filled with tears
Your sister is the one that told us you were here
As she continued to rub and kiss you, a love so rare
As an only child, your big sister had no fear
I quickly became ready and excited for you
My pregnancy was so easy; I knew you loved me too
I didn’t experience morning sickness, and I was able to eat anything
You loved spicy food, and I was ready for the heartburn it would bring
When you were born, our hearts grew bigger
7.5 pounds, I couldn’t have fallen in love any quicker
Your smile was so contagious
You loved when your sister tickled and played with you, so courageous
your calm and peaceful demeanor is unforgettable
When you refused a bottle for mommy’s breast, so adorable
Even your cry was quiet and peaceful
I just knew your presence was purposeful
Watching your face light up with a smile when your dad walked in was heart-melting
Every time football came on, y’all watched it together, just connecting
You didn’t play with your breast milk; we both enjoyed nursing
You loved being held, skin to skin, just bonding
I enjoyed giving you baths; your legs kicked as soon as you touched the water
I thought you may be a swimmer kinda sorta...
And now we’re here
and again, I’m filled with fear
It feels like I’m reliving a nightmare every day
I wish this were a dream and no; I’ll never be okay
My heart breaks when my breast fill with your milk
The thought that we’ll never bond in that way again & did I mention the frozen milk?
I had so many plans for you, my young king
I didn’t even get to take you to a park, push you on a swing
My baby boy, we were bonded; you were mine
It’s hard to accept that it was your time
It’s hard to accept that he needed you
Who needs you more than me?
Your dad? More than Ávi?
I can’t help but ask, “Why? Why me? Why you? Why us?”
A precious give was given to me and then snatched away from us
You were my baby, part of my heart and soul
How can I go on? How will I ever feel whole?
I was ready to go right along with you
But I was reminded I still have a daughter who needs me too
I can’t begin to describe the pain and heartbreak I feel
Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to heal
What I do know is that I have to survive
and I hope you stay with me throughout this journey, throughout each scream, each time I cry
I love and miss you my “handsomes,” my “papas,” my baby boy, my son
You will live through me, through us, we are still one…
